The shocking link between women’s mental health and domestic abuse

4 Questions Your Organisation Needs to Consider to Prevent Gender Balance Deteriorating

TW: mentions suicide, mental health, abuse

New research is just out highlighting a shocking link between women’s mental health, specifically suicide attempts, and domestic abuse.

Commissioned by Agenda Alliance, an group consisting of 100 organisations such as Oxfam, Women’s Aid and Mind, the research shows that women subjected to domestic abuse are three times more likely to attempt to end their lives than their peers. When sexual abuse occurs within a relationship, the number shoots up to over seven times higher. When it comes to self-harm, women suffering violence from their partner are three times more likely to hurt themselves.

It is suggested that all professionals who come into contact with women struggling with their mental health should, as a high priority, be asking about their personal safety, especially if a woman discloses suicidal ideation.

Given that at least one quarter of all women will experience domestic abuse (DV) -  emotional abusive, coercive control and/or physical violence - this is an important factor for workplaces to be considering when it comes to supporting their women with mental health, avoiding long term mental health sick leave and retaining their staff. The cost of staff who are on long term mental health sick leave is enormous, £42-45 billion annually in the UK alone; the impact of domestic violence is a proportion of this.

Consequences for Gender Balance Within Organisations

Here are 4 things what you/your company need to be thinking about from an HR and DEI perspective, loosing women means upsetting your gender balance:

1) How can you absorb the implications of this research into its mental health policies and practices?

2) Make your mental health first aiders aware; can they gently enquire about personal safety if they are supporting women with spiralling mental health, self-harm issues or suicidal ideation, since these could be signposts to a lack of safety at home?

3) Know where to get support for your women. Have info ready with helplines, refuges and relevant organisations. Consider safeguarding requirements for children and pets. The Dogs Trust has a fostering program called The Freedom Program specifically for this situation. Women don’t leave if they will have to leave children or pets behind.

4) Consider hosting a training day on the psychology of victim blaming, to help all staff supporting women and to be better allies if domestic abuse is disclosed; any notion that they will be blamed may deter disclosure and keep women unsafe. I am accredited by VictimFocus to facilitate this training. Learn more here.

Ultimately, staff are a company’s greatest asset. Being able to support staff to stay well, be safe and be able to continue to do their job is of enormous benefit all round. Companies must create enough safety that their women can talk about what’s going on, and not be afraid to ask if someone is safe at home if their mental health deteriorates. Organisations should be working to prevent gender balance deteriorating, including loosing women to DV related absence.

The patriarchy hurts men too

Why Breaking Down Gender Stereotypes Is Beneficial To All Genders

I wrote recently about how stereotypes for women hold us back in the workplace. As someone who is passionate about making workplaces and the world better for women, how the current system of patriarchy also hurts men is an equally important topic.

Yes men get paid more, get given more leadership roles, are seen as the default while women are ‘other’... but it’s not all a bed of roses. Having to appear tough, strong and confident, to be natural leaders or be derided as weak, incompetent and unattractive, adds immense pressure. Not being allowed to ask for help or admit you don’t know, nor permitted to talk about your feelings or admit you even have them, is damaging.

It is still assumed that men do far less caring and parenting, because they don’t want to, aren’t as good at it as women or are better put to use earning money aka ‘proper work.’ But this simply isn't true: men aren't happy to have less quality time, enjoyment and responsibility for caring. The greatest deathbed regrets are around not spending enough time with those that matter the most to us, afterall. If we want men to be more caring in general, we mustn’t deny them the opportunity to care.

Toughing it out when not feeling physically well rather than seeking medical help is unhelpful; later diagnosis can negatively affect prognosis. US based research revealed that during the pandemic men were apparently less likely to wear masks if they felt peer pressure to resist, putting them at far greater risk of a serious illness in the name of not being seen as weak.

Gender Stereotypes Create Impossible Standards

If fitting in and being respected as a man means being tough, strong, decisive, unemotional, competitive, distant from your family, ambitious and a natural leader and so on, it’s an impossible standard to measure up to, plus unappealing and daunting. Research on the impact of toxic perfectionism includes anecdotal evidence about the impossible ideal young men feel they have to live up contributing to suicide attempts. Not being able to talk about your emotions feeds into this.

This ideal for men also creates a career disadvantage around most desirable leadership traits of the future, which include vulnerability, empathy and collaboration; this leaves men striving in the wrong direction, and becoming something that later holds them back.

This kind of ideal also ignores individuality, our humanity and the benefit to society of a range of values and personalities. I’d love to see gender stereotyping disappear and each person able to be, and celebrated for, who they really are far beyond this simple distinction.

How would the culture in your workplace be enhanced by stereotypes no longer being reinforced? How might respect, inclusion, wellbeing, collaboration and success rise? How are stereotypes being reinforced through language and performance reviews?

Book a conversation with me to find out how dismantling stereotypes could enhance allyship in your organisation.

Sexism, ageism and inclusivity: why what your staff are saying about Madonna matters

The women, especially the older women, in your organisation, are taking note about how Madonna is being spoken about after her appearance at The Grammy's. 

Madonna has chosen to have plenty of cosmetic treatment on her face to keep up a youthful appearance, and commentary globally has completely slated her for it since Sunday. 

You cannot open a magazine or app without an abundance of ads and features for anti-aging products and gossipy articles about famous women's looks. Here's the message this emits: it is completely unacceptable to look too old, too big, too wrinkled, too grey...do something about it or you'll be ridiculed and discarded. The ageist pressure on women, especially women in the public eye, not to look older, is intense. 

Men do not face this criticism, scrutiny or shaming for ageing. Quite the opposite most of the time; men can be seen as more valuable as they age, in looks, experience and appeal - it's a big compliment to be called a 'silver fox.'

How do you want the more women in your organisation to feel about themselves as they age? Valued, appreciated and respected, as though they very much still belong, and are welcome in the organisation regardless of how age impacts their physical appearance. 

Surely not as if they have to take expensive, time consuming and sometimes dangerous measures to keep their youthful looks BUT DON'T GO TO FAR or you'll be a laughing stock and an outcast. 

Harmful stereotypes of older women have a lot to answer for, not least in the way they work to cause younger women to go to great lengths, expense and sometimes danger not to appear older. 

The government has been pushing the idea of enticing older workers back to the workplace. Stigma around ageing, women's perceived decrease in value as we age, and of course menopause related challenges, are a real barrier for women. 

How can your organisation truly be somewhere that values and retains women? Not ridiculing women's efforts to stay young when societal pressure constantly tells them they must, and not adding to this pressure, is just the start. Speak up if you hear this happening. Call it out. Send a clear message of allyship and inclusion. 

Want me to support your organisation with gender diversity issues? Book a call here.