The patriarchy hurts men too

Why Breaking Down Gender Stereotypes Is Beneficial To All Genders

I wrote recently about how stereotypes for women hold us back in the workplace. As someone who is passionate about making workplaces and the world better for women, how the current system of patriarchy also hurts men is an equally important topic.

Yes men get paid more, get given more leadership roles, are seen as the default while women are ‘other’... but it’s not all a bed of roses. Having to appear tough, strong and confident, to be natural leaders or be derided as weak, incompetent and unattractive, adds immense pressure. Not being allowed to ask for help or admit you don’t know, nor permitted to talk about your feelings or admit you even have them, is damaging.

It is still assumed that men do far less caring and parenting, because they don’t want to, aren’t as good at it as women or are better put to use earning money aka ‘proper work.’ But this simply isn't true: men aren't happy to have less quality time, enjoyment and responsibility for caring. The greatest deathbed regrets are around not spending enough time with those that matter the most to us, afterall. If we want men to be more caring in general, we mustn’t deny them the opportunity to care.

Toughing it out when not feeling physically well rather than seeking medical help is unhelpful; later diagnosis can negatively affect prognosis. US based research revealed that during the pandemic men were apparently less likely to wear masks if they felt peer pressure to resist, putting them at far greater risk of a serious illness in the name of not being seen as weak.

Gender Stereotypes Create Impossible Standards

If fitting in and being respected as a man means being tough, strong, decisive, unemotional, competitive, distant from your family, ambitious and a natural leader and so on, it’s an impossible standard to measure up to, plus unappealing and daunting. Research on the impact of toxic perfectionism includes anecdotal evidence about the impossible ideal young men feel they have to live up contributing to suicide attempts. Not being able to talk about your emotions feeds into this.

This ideal for men also creates a career disadvantage around most desirable leadership traits of the future, which include vulnerability, empathy and collaboration; this leaves men striving in the wrong direction, and becoming something that later holds them back.

This kind of ideal also ignores individuality, our humanity and the benefit to society of a range of values and personalities. I’d love to see gender stereotyping disappear and each person able to be, and celebrated for, who they really are far beyond this simple distinction.

How would the culture in your workplace be enhanced by stereotypes no longer being reinforced? How might respect, inclusion, wellbeing, collaboration and success rise? How are stereotypes being reinforced through language and performance reviews?

Book a conversation with me to find out how dismantling stereotypes could enhance allyship in your organisation.